If I could go back in time
2 the us,
as one
If I could erase this
pause here
cherish some..borrowed time.
retake this moment
let us not be so guarded
with OUR emotions
u still wouldnt c whats right in front of u
even when its written
so painfully clear
I let us live freely within my lyrical imagery
but we are letting this aqaintence-ship
die distastefully
ineveitably our doubts and insecurities
began surfacing
now we sit stuck here, dwelling
on the regrets...
now re-thinking, on when we first met
of the "maybes" and "what-ifs"...
the "possiblies", and
"ohhh so and so said"
sadly looking at whats left....
and how we felt in past tense,
the worn through truths exposed...
from under feelings that no longer make sense
now laced with the "fuck its"
of demands never met......
2 remain uncontinued
Friday, July 8, 2011
please
4give me for rambling on
spitting out deranged confessions of my confusion
and secret indescrestions
thoughts of loving and not being able 2 let love in...
4 knowing and feeling
but being too afraid
excuse me,
my fingers cant catch up to the speed of
the words spinning in my head
hope u know, its....
always been you
even in those times when Im distant
Im still here
waiting, faithfully...
trying 2 conquer my fears and insecurities
many years of emotion
through it all, its always been you
in my world,
4 life,
love u 2 the bone
ink never lies.....
spitting out deranged confessions of my confusion
and secret indescrestions
thoughts of loving and not being able 2 let love in...
4 knowing and feeling
but being too afraid
excuse me,
my fingers cant catch up to the speed of
the words spinning in my head
hope u know, its....
always been you
even in those times when Im distant
Im still here
waiting, faithfully...
trying 2 conquer my fears and insecurities
many years of emotion
through it all, its always been you
in my world,
4 life,
love u 2 the bone
ink never lies.....
08/09/06 9:30 pm
Attempting 2 forget ya kiss
that from a love I not dare
let escape from my lips
how do I let go
when ur HEART battles my MIND
I stay and love u from a safe distance
losing what I fear most
the me, the u, the us....
that we bring
n a SURREAL state
that nobody will every know
many unanswered questions rest in our limbo
what and how will we ever know
what lies behind the REALLI-FATAL door.....
(Badu seem the only one to call it,)
I stay hidden deep within OUR zone
but for u who "catches my heart"
please dont let us every fall...
apart....
as I look and sing 2 u
"now what am I suppoused 2 do, when I want chu in my world"
that from a love I not dare
let escape from my lips
how do I let go
when ur HEART battles my MIND
I stay and love u from a safe distance
losing what I fear most
the me, the u, the us....
that we bring
n a SURREAL state
that nobody will every know
many unanswered questions rest in our limbo
what and how will we ever know
what lies behind the REALLI-FATAL door.....
(Badu seem the only one to call it,)
I stay hidden deep within OUR zone
but for u who "catches my heart"
please dont let us every fall...
apart....
as I look and sing 2 u
"now what am I suppoused 2 do, when I want chu in my world"
Friday, June 3, 2011
......jaded....... 12/07/08
you r my muse
sensually fuelling the fire behind these words
The rhythm that coincides with my perfect melody
That something special I was missing before
so I said fuk it
closed my eyes and leapt blindly
Luckily for me
I followed all the clues
and There were just enough pieces
to lead me right to u
baby u r my lesson n disguise....
Bringing all insight back 2 my life
you walked n to my world and removed all doubt
now in my past is where all others rest and remain with their hearts calling out
to my deaf ears
so I'm hoping for a chance 2 get this just right
praying for strength and security....
so I can give you proper access 2 all of me
it has been proven u r worthy of every ounce of my dedication and time
god this women.....
she is.....
indescribable
My angel is disguise
The description of a perfect rendition
To my hearts song
Every little aspect of your being speaks so much more
your scent lingers on me
my lips ur kiss...
it is u being traced through every single stroke with this bic
laced within every one of my emotion filled syllables
u got my mind racin....
Trying to keep my pace steady and slow...
so as not to rock the boat
just, have my words take over
and let this real fatal shit flow
it is u HOPE that I send this piece first class for
signed, sealed and delivered to ur ice boxes door
Fingers crossed
n a relentless effort 2…
faithfully live up to this dream gurl mold
you have made
its written n the stars mama...
u and me
sensually fuelling the fire behind these words
The rhythm that coincides with my perfect melody
That something special I was missing before
so I said fuk it
closed my eyes and leapt blindly
Luckily for me
I followed all the clues
and There were just enough pieces
to lead me right to u
baby u r my lesson n disguise....
Bringing all insight back 2 my life
you walked n to my world and removed all doubt
now in my past is where all others rest and remain with their hearts calling out
to my deaf ears
so I'm hoping for a chance 2 get this just right
praying for strength and security....
so I can give you proper access 2 all of me
it has been proven u r worthy of every ounce of my dedication and time
god this women.....
she is.....
indescribable
My angel is disguise
The description of a perfect rendition
To my hearts song
Every little aspect of your being speaks so much more
your scent lingers on me
my lips ur kiss...
it is u being traced through every single stroke with this bic
laced within every one of my emotion filled syllables
u got my mind racin....
Trying to keep my pace steady and slow...
so as not to rock the boat
just, have my words take over
and let this real fatal shit flow
it is u HOPE that I send this piece first class for
signed, sealed and delivered to ur ice boxes door
Fingers crossed
n a relentless effort 2…
faithfully live up to this dream gurl mold
you have made
its written n the stars mama...
u and me
...clouded judgement....
4 once I actually wanted things 2 go right...
but part of me was already aware& somewhat prepared for this battle
knowing we were truly serving in a "BEAUTIFUL-DISASTER"
but I’m viewing it as a minor casualty of war...
wanting to b accepting, and open minded about this ordeal
but again how do u build something stable w/ quicksand as the floor...
my mind is a battle field, I’m confused
fuk I’m torn...
don’t know if I can handle not knowing what lies behind "lovez" door
both parties involved r hopeful
but live their own bitter reality, of being unsure...
sadly who knows which one of us will fold first
surrendering w/ hands held up highly, uttering sadly
"I can’t do this anymore"
confused by uncertainty laced w/ insecurity...
contemplating on what could have happened
if we had just pursued things b4...
b4 we both succumbed 2 loves many debts
could have lived and chilled in ur world
while allowing u 2 view life
and experience "like" through my core
connected by our "lyrical scriptures"
our shared love of spoken word...
intertwining our like-ness
2 create 1 untouchable world
I’m lost
stumblin on my own emotions
insecure feelings and thoughts
b4 I can even formulate our "indiscretions" into mere words
I was,
I ‘AM hopeful in thinking
our "stolen moments" could "evolve" n2 so much more
but instead, I sit here fuming,
burning over my own worthless scribble
shit that is barely recognizable as having any real worth....
can’t quite get my point across, 4give me for my babble...
but it's hard 2 express what’s inside my head
b4 the tape begins 2 unravel
but none-the-less, this is useless nonsense
the end 2 the beginning of a new type of regret...
the kind that leaves u empty
not wishing u hadn’t...
simply that u had sooner
b4 pain, b4 heartache
b4 life turned us both,
into the bitter women that we r
we could have been great together....
making beautiful music beyond closed doors...
yet we rest here in doubt, and clouded judgment...
not knowing if we will ever really figure this
"d squared" thing out.
but part of me was already aware& somewhat prepared for this battle
knowing we were truly serving in a "BEAUTIFUL-DISASTER"
but I’m viewing it as a minor casualty of war...
wanting to b accepting, and open minded about this ordeal
but again how do u build something stable w/ quicksand as the floor...
my mind is a battle field, I’m confused
fuk I’m torn...
don’t know if I can handle not knowing what lies behind "lovez" door
both parties involved r hopeful
but live their own bitter reality, of being unsure...
sadly who knows which one of us will fold first
surrendering w/ hands held up highly, uttering sadly
"I can’t do this anymore"
confused by uncertainty laced w/ insecurity...
contemplating on what could have happened
if we had just pursued things b4...
b4 we both succumbed 2 loves many debts
could have lived and chilled in ur world
while allowing u 2 view life
and experience "like" through my core
connected by our "lyrical scriptures"
our shared love of spoken word...
intertwining our like-ness
2 create 1 untouchable world
I’m lost
stumblin on my own emotions
insecure feelings and thoughts
b4 I can even formulate our "indiscretions" into mere words
I was,
I ‘AM hopeful in thinking
our "stolen moments" could "evolve" n2 so much more
but instead, I sit here fuming,
burning over my own worthless scribble
shit that is barely recognizable as having any real worth....
can’t quite get my point across, 4give me for my babble...
but it's hard 2 express what’s inside my head
b4 the tape begins 2 unravel
but none-the-less, this is useless nonsense
the end 2 the beginning of a new type of regret...
the kind that leaves u empty
not wishing u hadn’t...
simply that u had sooner
b4 pain, b4 heartache
b4 life turned us both,
into the bitter women that we r
we could have been great together....
making beautiful music beyond closed doors...
yet we rest here in doubt, and clouded judgment...
not knowing if we will ever really figure this
"d squared" thing out.
poetry 2008
POETRY
so much more then poetry...
there is a strong woman behind my words
my scars,
the convictions I’ve received over the past twenty-five years
depths that some may never see
my visions bleed with real reality
the emotions I express r those truly lived and felt by me...
my experience is lived far pass just my words,
my lyrics...
this poetry
so much more then what these pages could ever read...
there is a complicated simplicity about me
something those with judging eyes r 2 ignorant 2 c...
their inability infuriating me
no one can ever seem to just except this gift for what it seems to b
sometimes you have to just close your eyes and let your heart fall blindly
to realize
ma I’m sooo much more then my poetry
fatal n mourning........
so much more then poetry...
there is a strong woman behind my words
my scars,
the convictions I’ve received over the past twenty-five years
depths that some may never see
my visions bleed with real reality
the emotions I express r those truly lived and felt by me...
my experience is lived far pass just my words,
my lyrics...
this poetry
so much more then what these pages could ever read...
there is a complicated simplicity about me
something those with judging eyes r 2 ignorant 2 c...
their inability infuriating me
no one can ever seem to just except this gift for what it seems to b
sometimes you have to just close your eyes and let your heart fall blindly
to realize
ma I’m sooo much more then my poetry
fatal n mourning........
something....
Reflecting.... I’m a take my time, do her body right....
*listening 2 her beautiful voice got my mind drifting*
gotta get this shit right ,
Wasn’t even expecting an emotional attachment,
I wasn't open,
wasn’t ready...
Damn how did we get here?
Figured friendship, if anything maybe a fly by night.....
A zipless sexual encounter But, now…
She get me retracting previous statements...
Trying to figure out how to make it to the top floor Leaving all doubt n her hearts basement.....
I’m learning her and trying to give her paths not previously taken before,
To eliminate the mistake of me flaking on something that could b more...
More than just infatuation, hmmmm thinking on the possibilities....
(Singing) *this could b somethin'...this could b somethin', Or maybe it’s just nothing at allll*
-August 2009 (Revised 11/2010)
*listening 2 her beautiful voice got my mind drifting*
gotta get this shit right ,
Wasn’t even expecting an emotional attachment,
I wasn't open,
wasn’t ready...
Damn how did we get here?
Figured friendship, if anything maybe a fly by night.....
A zipless sexual encounter But, now…
She get me retracting previous statements...
Trying to figure out how to make it to the top floor Leaving all doubt n her hearts basement.....
I’m learning her and trying to give her paths not previously taken before,
To eliminate the mistake of me flaking on something that could b more...
More than just infatuation, hmmmm thinking on the possibilities....
(Singing) *this could b somethin'...this could b somethin', Or maybe it’s just nothing at allll*
-August 2009 (Revised 11/2010)
HER music
destiny….
I can feel the heat, from your body as we get closer
it makes me want you more, and more
enticing my internal fire
your body is…
producing a sick flame that is torching my sexual core
got me sweatin out of my clothes,
I need to put this desire out.
Wrap myself around u Smother this passion embedded in our skin
Etched in the love that both heart beats spin,
Fa ever the liryc’s to my music within……
Our emotion, seems not of this world,
Let me love u in and out of our circumstance
Freely….
(january 3 at 11:12am)
I can feel the heat, from your body as we get closer
it makes me want you more, and more
enticing my internal fire
your body is…
producing a sick flame that is torching my sexual core
got me sweatin out of my clothes,
I need to put this desire out.
Wrap myself around u Smother this passion embedded in our skin
Etched in the love that both heart beats spin,
Fa ever the liryc’s to my music within……
Our emotion, seems not of this world,
Let me love u in and out of our circumstance
Freely….
(january 3 at 11:12am)
boo&gotti
I cried 2day,
cried and let out the hurt
the confusion..
4 the pain of emptiness
4 finally knowing, and wanting
but not being able to connect
sending out hopefull- emotions
2 an empty, non receptive heart
being on 2 different levels
a whole nother' plateau of loves expectations
finally realizing she will never know
2 blind 2 accept the beauty that is me...
the truth that stands before her...
too fukin ignorant 2 comprehend
the complex,
the simplicity that is me
so I cry simply 4 accepting...
knowing I tried and am failing miserably
b/c 4 her it is not the me inside she sees
how can she feel me w/o opening up and receiving that which is all of me
trying 2 c w/ closed eyes
feeling with a heart that no longer beats openly.....
2 b continued.......
gotti
cried and let out the hurt
the confusion..
4 the pain of emptiness
4 finally knowing, and wanting
but not being able to connect
sending out hopefull- emotions
2 an empty, non receptive heart
being on 2 different levels
a whole nother' plateau of loves expectations
finally realizing she will never know
2 blind 2 accept the beauty that is me...
the truth that stands before her...
too fukin ignorant 2 comprehend
the complex,
the simplicity that is me
so I cry simply 4 accepting...
knowing I tried and am failing miserably
b/c 4 her it is not the me inside she sees
how can she feel me w/o opening up and receiving that which is all of me
trying 2 c w/ closed eyes
feeling with a heart that no longer beats openly.....
2 b continued.......
gotti
HER strength....
Wish I could wrap myself n ur arms right now
and act like this shit didn't hurt so bad
Like being alone didn't cut as deep as it does ...
And.... I really want 2 make u happy...
but don't know if I'm the type of woman u need
when I 2 am flawed
Babi u have no idea how beautiful u r 2 me, all of u...
every time I c u,
I want 2 touch u,
kiss u from head 2 toe...
strip u and admire ur curves,
Fall victim....
2 the seduction of ya kiss...
Don't know if I'll ever feel close enough
Wanna explore ya mind...
take long walks threw ya memory,
get lost n ya smile,
faevr hear ur Laughter...
learn every aspect of your being,
teach u the depths of me...
Wna connect and b connected
2 ur bluez
And the treatment of us after……
and act like this shit didn't hurt so bad
Like being alone didn't cut as deep as it does ...
And.... I really want 2 make u happy...
but don't know if I'm the type of woman u need
when I 2 am flawed
Babi u have no idea how beautiful u r 2 me, all of u...
every time I c u,
I want 2 touch u,
kiss u from head 2 toe...
strip u and admire ur curves,
Fall victim....
2 the seduction of ya kiss...
Don't know if I'll ever feel close enough
Wanna explore ya mind...
take long walks threw ya memory,
get lost n ya smile,
faevr hear ur Laughter...
learn every aspect of your being,
teach u the depths of me...
Wna connect and b connected
2 ur bluez
And the treatment of us after……
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Randomly revisiting......
(*sips thoughtful, bitter emptiness from this tall glass*)
Baby I want u 2 live in this poetry….
Make fa ever in the hopefulness
of this untainted imagery,
I am seeking realism
in my self proclaimed hypocrisy,
of faith…
in the us that I see
I want u 2 experience these letters, the taste of my mental sensuality….
I want 2 instill a sexual peace treaty
within the compilation of our plural nouns
I NEED 2 correct YOU and I
Because it should be displayed as US
I want 2 make love 2 u
Phonetically….
In the dark, secrets of morning
Re-visit between your thighs
continue licking your nipples with this bic softly ….
Baby, just let me
Use my lips and hands 2 repaint our LIRYCAL acts visually,
Let WE remain trapped
within the explicit lines
running across these now lust stained sheets….
I want 2, streak through ur memory….
and dance secularly with ur hidden inhibitions….
I WANT….I WANT…..
But first YOU have to learn to let ME….
In…..
Baby I want u 2 live in this poetry….
Make fa ever in the hopefulness
of this untainted imagery,
I am seeking realism
in my self proclaimed hypocrisy,
of faith…
in the us that I see
I want u 2 experience these letters, the taste of my mental sensuality….
I want 2 instill a sexual peace treaty
within the compilation of our plural nouns
I NEED 2 correct YOU and I
Because it should be displayed as US
I want 2 make love 2 u
Phonetically….
In the dark, secrets of morning
Re-visit between your thighs
continue licking your nipples with this bic softly ….
Baby, just let me
Use my lips and hands 2 repaint our LIRYCAL acts visually,
Let WE remain trapped
within the explicit lines
running across these now lust stained sheets….
I want 2, streak through ur memory….
and dance secularly with ur hidden inhibitions….
I WANT….I WANT…..
But first YOU have to learn to let ME….
In…..
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