it is my name tated across her heart...her lips
the tip of her tongue
releasing every love felt syllable.....
as we kiss, our souls touch n ways shallow minds could never grasp
we lay here chest to chest,
real against what used to reflect real
as we battle our surroundings... that are fake
our quicksand turning to useless dust,
never building bricks quite dense enough,
to lay a great foundation down...
now a thick layer of ice covers the ground of our lovez basement,
placed there to keep u and i out.....
i'll learn to live and love on n our disasters memory,
bkuz ill always rember the experience as it was....beautifully
...9&8
Thursday, July 8, 2010
4 the love of loss of love
RANDOM THOUGHTS
History kals them jezebelz ........but.... I.....
I call them my lovez......
the many women that have passed threw my life
the good ones, the bad ones, the ones truely not worth my time
yet this addiction ties me to thier kiss
the warmth of their touch...
her skin... Deraild my focus
left me curious deep within...
always leaving traces of her,
retraced emotions on my skin,
never follwing the previous path
always leaving new scars
left for future tense to defend
replace, erase then try and start the focus again
never really looking,
continuosly searching,
she always seems to miss the warrior that's within
My misguided footsteps
Infatutaion with just being in...
this,
this experince has so many unruly colors
some like day, some like night
the crucial ones leaving me tongue tied....
caught aloof
fukd up and left on the sideline
the wrong to my right of passage....
this vision
she is...
caugth me sleepin and slipped in under radar,
crept n from my blind side
reciting sweet nothings,
harshly re- felt during those cold nights.....
remincsing and allowing the memories to flood in
feeling that yearning to let her back in
u cant fight fate mama,
Its inevitable....
Shit its this ink that I let settle n
and it won!
beautiful,
what will be, just will be
thats, that shit I have 2 recite daily
kuz I c it, etchd here in my skin
that connection,
the blending that happens when
two souls learn to coincide
when things just mesh well together damn near all the time
see there it is again!
focus not sustained...
only time heals
and directs those that it believes in
this entry is .....
misguided with no real path to follow
I'm stuck,
so this must have been the end?
the tears that burn so strong,
from ducts I thought had long since been dried and gone
now relase the pain....
in a silent and entricate song
that unique ass beat under my left shoulder...
I fight myself,
but I know I gotta let it get gone
that verse,
that bluez,
that slow grind that plays 4 me
has hit its last note and our chorus,
produced such an intense and in depth love song
I let it complete me.....
sadly all thats left is 6 letterz,
and I allow them 2 defeat me ...
History kals them jezebelz ........but.... I.....
I call them my lovez......
the many women that have passed threw my life
the good ones, the bad ones, the ones truely not worth my time
yet this addiction ties me to thier kiss
the warmth of their touch...
her skin... Deraild my focus
left me curious deep within...
always leaving traces of her,
retraced emotions on my skin,
never follwing the previous path
always leaving new scars
left for future tense to defend
replace, erase then try and start the focus again
never really looking,
continuosly searching,
she always seems to miss the warrior that's within
My misguided footsteps
Infatutaion with just being in...
this,
this experince has so many unruly colors
some like day, some like night
the crucial ones leaving me tongue tied....
caught aloof
fukd up and left on the sideline
the wrong to my right of passage....
this vision
she is...
caugth me sleepin and slipped in under radar,
crept n from my blind side
reciting sweet nothings,
harshly re- felt during those cold nights.....
remincsing and allowing the memories to flood in
feeling that yearning to let her back in
u cant fight fate mama,
Its inevitable....
Shit its this ink that I let settle n
and it won!
beautiful,
what will be, just will be
thats, that shit I have 2 recite daily
kuz I c it, etchd here in my skin
that connection,
the blending that happens when
two souls learn to coincide
when things just mesh well together damn near all the time
see there it is again!
focus not sustained...
only time heals
and directs those that it believes in
this entry is .....
misguided with no real path to follow
I'm stuck,
so this must have been the end?
the tears that burn so strong,
from ducts I thought had long since been dried and gone
now relase the pain....
in a silent and entricate song
that unique ass beat under my left shoulder...
I fight myself,
but I know I gotta let it get gone
that verse,
that bluez,
that slow grind that plays 4 me
has hit its last note and our chorus,
produced such an intense and in depth love song
I let it complete me.....
sadly all thats left is 6 letterz,
and I allow them 2 defeat me ...
verbal fire
verbally arrested a hostage 2 my own metaphors
sitting back reviewing what was lost in my fire
burning from the emotional anguish within
replacing the physical pain for painted on happi faces
laughing at the previous attempts at infatuation
memories are just mental replays of past inexperience
w/ co-star's that were nothing more then temporary fixtures
w/ a proven sorry existence
never permanent in my world
I am living physical representation of my lyrics last scripture
quietly I can still hear the faint whisper
my soul is crying out
someday, someday
my ideal counter part will arrive
it will b her being that completes my fatal stride....
then and only then
can I quit with this relentless pursuit
interviews of these lames trying to win "her" star role....
but always falling short as "her" flunkyz understudy
never the strong enough queen I truly seek to represent me
sadly its always their physical features used 2 try and allure me
but already seen through their weak facade
used to try and mask their insecurities...
never quite deep enough 2 cover up that which is truly she
nothing more then another failed attempt
at picking a decent woman from cupids
"thou has't learned to repent" list
yet again I’m left here waiting ever so patiently
until the real one arrives
the truth dwelling past the shallow outside
those lovely arms of hers will block out those cold and lonely nights
my shoulder to cry on
cuz even thugs have a hidden emotional side
I need her 2 have an easy versatility....
knowing how to be dominant n the ways needed to rule me
just enough of her own swag to compliment me perfectly
she has that confidence even in the sheets
knowing how to take hold controlling the aries fire in me!
baby b handlin' that shit kuz she knows that she owns an important piece of me
(my heart)
just as deeply as I own she
never afraid to take hold of me
over my body she will always hold dominion
and sometimes she even lets me voice my sexual opinion...
(lol when she gives it to me)
w/ every ounce of my being "she" will b intertwined
embedded so that with every breath I will exhale she....
and with her every beat she will expel me
we will b one,
my imperfect perfection
that keeps me on a intolerable high
someday...
(sigh)
I shall welcome my queen 2 her throne
until then I’ll continue to stay walled and play along
continuing
to b that mo'cka...always ice cold......
sitting back reviewing what was lost in my fire
burning from the emotional anguish within
replacing the physical pain for painted on happi faces
laughing at the previous attempts at infatuation
memories are just mental replays of past inexperience
w/ co-star's that were nothing more then temporary fixtures
w/ a proven sorry existence
never permanent in my world
I am living physical representation of my lyrics last scripture
quietly I can still hear the faint whisper
my soul is crying out
someday, someday
my ideal counter part will arrive
it will b her being that completes my fatal stride....
then and only then
can I quit with this relentless pursuit
interviews of these lames trying to win "her" star role....
but always falling short as "her" flunkyz understudy
never the strong enough queen I truly seek to represent me
sadly its always their physical features used 2 try and allure me
but already seen through their weak facade
used to try and mask their insecurities...
never quite deep enough 2 cover up that which is truly she
nothing more then another failed attempt
at picking a decent woman from cupids
"thou has't learned to repent" list
yet again I’m left here waiting ever so patiently
until the real one arrives
the truth dwelling past the shallow outside
those lovely arms of hers will block out those cold and lonely nights
my shoulder to cry on
cuz even thugs have a hidden emotional side
I need her 2 have an easy versatility....
knowing how to be dominant n the ways needed to rule me
just enough of her own swag to compliment me perfectly
she has that confidence even in the sheets
knowing how to take hold controlling the aries fire in me!
baby b handlin' that shit kuz she knows that she owns an important piece of me
(my heart)
just as deeply as I own she
never afraid to take hold of me
over my body she will always hold dominion
and sometimes she even lets me voice my sexual opinion...
(lol when she gives it to me)
w/ every ounce of my being "she" will b intertwined
embedded so that with every breath I will exhale she....
and with her every beat she will expel me
we will b one,
my imperfect perfection
that keeps me on a intolerable high
someday...
(sigh)
I shall welcome my queen 2 her throne
until then I’ll continue to stay walled and play along
continuing
to b that mo'cka...always ice cold......
fire calaboration
You've burned this bridge beyond repair...
So now ur stranded, stuck drowning in love & despair...
some1 save me from myself....
so I do not double back to leave u tools of fond memories 2 rebuild this misery...
that keeps me hopelessly bound to you...
It suffocates as I do without loves air....
I'm buried alive while standing up in this, so slowly I die by the lie’s of loves deceit..
will u ever release me? from the façade im trapped in, this misleading infatuation...
confusing what is loves real representation, cupid is a merciful bastard & is punishing me for switching his
arrows, I wanted to exchange love for hate &experience for inexperience, so I could follow u blindly….
ignorance truely is bliss, when im so deeply consumed by a love like this...
So now ur stranded, stuck drowning in love & despair...
some1 save me from myself....
so I do not double back to leave u tools of fond memories 2 rebuild this misery...
that keeps me hopelessly bound to you...
It suffocates as I do without loves air....
I'm buried alive while standing up in this, so slowly I die by the lie’s of loves deceit..
will u ever release me? from the façade im trapped in, this misleading infatuation...
confusing what is loves real representation, cupid is a merciful bastard & is punishing me for switching his
arrows, I wanted to exchange love for hate &experience for inexperience, so I could follow u blindly….
ignorance truely is bliss, when im so deeply consumed by a love like this...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
rambling on.....
I suffer from a verbal asphyxiation
a delirium of mixed emotions…
thoughts taken over by fears,
of losin' her, shit got me choking…
I'm slippin' losing my grip on this mixed tape collaboration of bullshit,
of feelings…laced wit' the love that my heart drips
dreading having to learn to be secure and commit
she got me stuck here...biting my lip
got me head shaking, as the confusion sets in
my vision is just a blur of sick shit
an intoxication that my body cant fix
cant quite find the right grip
my hold just isn't tight enough 2 keep her from slip…slip…
2 keep her from slippn away from my fingertips
this thought process is taking too long
need 2 b sure and know what she's feeling b4 my lyrical scripture is gone
leaving me at a loss 4 words
a loss of faith…
fuk I'm at a loss of focus
making my head numb, got my heart feeling sick
sitting here waiting
got me watching with closed eyes, while my world trips….
and falls….
hoping she is my angel in disguise
but fa eva being cautious, I've already been deceived once by a replica of angel eyes…
she is supposed 2 be my rock,
the glue that binds my broken heart back together…
u know that real life shit…u know loving u fa eva…
something not likely kuz nothing last 4…
scratch that…I
just want her 2 be sure that she is happy w/ us...together…
b/c it is her that I want in LIRYC'Z world
damn ya'll she just don't know…
wanna do this 4 as long as long permits
this woman got me open…
shit like a feign' searchin 4 tha last hit
fuk im already n too deep
wish I could open up so she can c exactly
how much to me she really means
c the love tha I have got my heart bustin at the seams
gotta just follow through w/ my emotions, show her the real me…
2 b continued….
a delirium of mixed emotions…
thoughts taken over by fears,
of losin' her, shit got me choking…
I'm slippin' losing my grip on this mixed tape collaboration of bullshit,
of feelings…laced wit' the love that my heart drips
dreading having to learn to be secure and commit
she got me stuck here...biting my lip
got me head shaking, as the confusion sets in
my vision is just a blur of sick shit
an intoxication that my body cant fix
cant quite find the right grip
my hold just isn't tight enough 2 keep her from slip…slip…
2 keep her from slippn away from my fingertips
this thought process is taking too long
need 2 b sure and know what she's feeling b4 my lyrical scripture is gone
leaving me at a loss 4 words
a loss of faith…
fuk I'm at a loss of focus
making my head numb, got my heart feeling sick
sitting here waiting
got me watching with closed eyes, while my world trips….
and falls….
hoping she is my angel in disguise
but fa eva being cautious, I've already been deceived once by a replica of angel eyes…
she is supposed 2 be my rock,
the glue that binds my broken heart back together…
u know that real life shit…u know loving u fa eva…
something not likely kuz nothing last 4…
scratch that…I
just want her 2 be sure that she is happy w/ us...together…
b/c it is her that I want in LIRYC'Z world
damn ya'll she just don't know…
wanna do this 4 as long as long permits
this woman got me open…
shit like a feign' searchin 4 tha last hit
fuk im already n too deep
wish I could open up so she can c exactly
how much to me she really means
c the love tha I have got my heart bustin at the seams
gotta just follow through w/ my emotions, show her the real me…
2 b continued….
love I would have
First love we dream about it
we hope for it, search for it
but sometimes when it finally arrives, we can barely stand it
and to no surprise, the fiction of true love
perhaps of any type of love
are often mixtures of follishness, happiness and sadness,
So here is my story...
had i known, that luv would strangle the heart of its last breath
i would've left u beautiful and untouched
4 one who experienced more and required less
was i aware of luvz true damage
i could have by-passed the naive and misunderstood
4 one who cared more and demanded less
had i known the pain could bruise the soul and dismember the heart
into unrecognizable piles of misery
your eyes would've stayed closed
unknowing of luv beyond in the dark
disrespected
what was once so pure, far 2 many times
desperate and unsuspecting
i let your luv make a hole in my heart
had i been aware that one could confuse the brain and control another's lyfe
i would've held out 4 one who respected me more
and abused me less...
we hope for it, search for it
but sometimes when it finally arrives, we can barely stand it
and to no surprise, the fiction of true love
perhaps of any type of love
are often mixtures of follishness, happiness and sadness,
So here is my story...
had i known, that luv would strangle the heart of its last breath
i would've left u beautiful and untouched
4 one who experienced more and required less
was i aware of luvz true damage
i could have by-passed the naive and misunderstood
4 one who cared more and demanded less
had i known the pain could bruise the soul and dismember the heart
into unrecognizable piles of misery
your eyes would've stayed closed
unknowing of luv beyond in the dark
disrespected
what was once so pure, far 2 many times
desperate and unsuspecting
i let your luv make a hole in my heart
had i been aware that one could confuse the brain and control another's lyfe
i would've held out 4 one who respected me more
and abused me less...
luv-ah
I CRIED 2DAY
CRIED 4 ALOVE SO PERFECT
YET SO WRONG
I HOLD ON 2 A LOVE THAT IS UNATTAINABLE
WISHING ON A BROKEN HEARTED LOVE SONG
I HURT, I CRY....I AM ALONE
DEALING, FIGHTING THIS PASSION...SOLO
4 A LUV THAT IS NOT LUV AT ALLL
ITS MERELY A FASCINATION WITH
WHAT POSSIBLY COULD B
DREAMING, WISHING ON A BEAUTIFUL LVEZ MEMORY.......
CRIED 4 ALOVE SO PERFECT
YET SO WRONG
I HOLD ON 2 A LOVE THAT IS UNATTAINABLE
WISHING ON A BROKEN HEARTED LOVE SONG
I HURT, I CRY....I AM ALONE
DEALING, FIGHTING THIS PASSION...SOLO
4 A LUV THAT IS NOT LUV AT ALLL
ITS MERELY A FASCINATION WITH
WHAT POSSIBLY COULD B
DREAMING, WISHING ON A BEAUTIFUL LVEZ MEMORY.......
snippets of random-ness
never mistake my kindness, w/ your weak game.
Bitchez like u give womyn like me a bad name
im tired of u getting away w/ murder.
If this breezy dont chill ya'll ima have to hurt her
ever since u crossed my path, my lyfe has changed
i am addicted like truth
letting raw reality run through my veins
on that sunny day, i never thought..
i'd c so much fuckin rain
but now above all i realize
truth often isnt what it seems
dont always believe in trusting eyes
b/c even they 2 kan decieve
nothing is always what it seems
Bitchez like u give womyn like me a bad name
im tired of u getting away w/ murder.
If this breezy dont chill ya'll ima have to hurt her
ever since u crossed my path, my lyfe has changed
i am addicted like truth
letting raw reality run through my veins
on that sunny day, i never thought..
i'd c so much fuckin rain
but now above all i realize
truth often isnt what it seems
dont always believe in trusting eyes
b/c even they 2 kan decieve
nothing is always what it seems
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