rambling on.....

I suffer from a verbal asphyxiation
a delirium of mixed emotions…
thoughts taken over by fears,
of losin' her, shit got me choking…

I'm slippin' losing my grip on this mixed tape collaboration of bullshit,
of feelings…laced wit' the love that my heart drips
dreading having to learn to be secure and commit

she got me stuck here...biting my lip
got me head shaking, as the confusion sets in
my vision is just a blur of sick shit

an intoxication that my body cant fix
cant quite find the right grip
my hold just isn't tight enough 2 keep her from slip…slip…
 2 keep her from slippn away from my fingertips

this thought process is taking too long
 need 2 b sure and know what she's feeling b4 my lyrical scripture is gone
leaving me at a loss 4 words
a loss of faith…

fuk I'm at a loss of focus
making my head numb, got my heart feeling sick
sitting here waiting
got me watching with closed eyes, while my world trips….
and falls….

hoping she is my angel in disguise
but fa eva being cautious, I've already been deceived once by a replica of angel eyes…

she is supposed 2 be my rock,
the glue that binds my broken heart back together…
u know that real life shit…u know loving u fa eva…

something not likely kuz nothing last 4…

scratch that…I
 just want her 2 be sure that she is happy w/ us...together…
b/c it is her that I want in LIRYC'Z world
damn ya'll she just don't know…

wanna do this 4 as long as long permits
this woman got me open…

shit like a feign' searchin 4 tha last  hit
fuk im already n too deep

wish I could open up so she can c exactly
how much to me she really means

c the love tha I have got my heart bustin at the seams
gotta just follow through w/ my emotions, show her the real me…

2 b continued….

love I would have

First love we dream about it
we hope for it, search for it
but sometimes when it finally arrives, we can barely stand it

and to no surprise, the fiction of true love
perhaps of any type of love
are often mixtures of follishness, happiness and sadness,

So here is my story...
had i known, that luv would strangle the heart of its last breath
i would've left u beautiful and untouched

4 one who experienced more and required less
was i aware of luvz true damage
i could have by-passed the naive and misunderstood

4 one who cared more and demanded less
had i known the pain could bruise the soul and dismember the heart
into unrecognizable piles of misery

your eyes would've stayed closed
unknowing of luv beyond in the dark
disrespected

what was once so pure, far 2 many times
desperate and unsuspecting
i let your luv make a hole in my heart

had i been aware that one could confuse the brain and control another's lyfe
i would've held out 4 one who respected me more
and abused me less...

luv-ah

I CRIED 2DAY
CRIED 4 ALOVE SO PERFECT
YET SO WRONG
I HOLD ON 2 A LOVE THAT IS UNATTAINABLE
WISHING ON A BROKEN HEARTED LOVE SONG
I HURT, I CRY....I AM ALONE
DEALING, FIGHTING THIS PASSION...SOLO
4 A LUV THAT IS NOT LUV AT ALLL
ITS MERELY A FASCINATION WITH
WHAT POSSIBLY COULD B
DREAMING, WISHING ON A BEAUTIFUL LVEZ MEMORY.......

snippets of random-ness

never mistake my kindness, w/ your weak game.
Bitchez like u give womyn like me a bad name
im tired of u getting away w/ murder.
If this breezy dont chill ya'll ima have to hurt her
ever since u crossed my path, my lyfe has changed
i am addicted like truth
letting raw reality run through my veins
on that sunny day, i never thought..
i'd c so much fuckin rain
but now above all i realize
truth often isnt what it seems
dont always believe in trusting eyes
b/c even they 2 kan decieve
nothing is always what it seems